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50 Words Of Wisdom From Cartoon Characters

The 50 funniest things ever said in a cartoon:

50. Trust me Bart, it's better to walk in on both your parents instead of just one of them.
~ Milhouse - The Simpsons

milhouse simpsons

49. Oh, Lois thank God it's you! The last few houses I went to were very rude.
~ Peter (after coming home drunk) - Family Guy

brian family guy

48. Newspaper headline: Optimist Drowns in Half-full Tub.
~ American Dad

47. Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
~ Stewie - South Park


46. Fat chicks need love too...they just have to PAY!
~ Quagmire - Family Guy

45. Chef: Hello there, children.
Stan: Chef, what would a priest want to put up my butt?
Chef: Goodbye Children
~ South Park

44. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?
~ Fry - Futurama

43. Man, you're like school during the summer. No class.
~ Rudy - The New Fat Albert Show

fat albert show

42. Nothing says "Obey Me" like a bloody head on a fence post!
~ Stewie - Family Guy

Kent Brockman: Uh, Mr. Burns, people are calling this a meltdown.
Mr. Burns: Oh, meltdown. It's one of these annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.
~ The Simpsons

mr burns the simpsons

40. Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?
~ Mayor Quimby - The Simpsons

mayor quimby

39. No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people.
~ Mr. Garrison - South Park

mr garrison south park

38. Rocky: He has an A Bomb! Do you know what an A Bomb is?
Bullwinkle: Sure. This show is a bomb.
~ Rocky and Bullwinkle show


37. Ooh don't poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel. With enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the Polo Grounds.
~ Mr. Burns - South Park

36. The truth is like sunlight. People used to think it's good for you.
~ Nancy Gribble - King of the Hill

35. Fry: Hey, I don’t see you planning for your old age.
Bender: I got plans. I’m gonna turn my on/off switch to off.
~ Futurama

34. Todd: Daddy, what are taxes paying for?
Ned: Oh ho ho oh... everything! Policemen, trees, sunshine, and let's not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God bless 'em!
~ The Simpsons

33. My, my, what a thumping good read. Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two by fours. I'll say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh.
~ Stewie (after reading The Bible) - Family Guy


32. People, if we meet this week's quota, I'll take you to the most duck-filled pond you ever sat by! (the old folks begin working faster)
~ Mr. Burns - The Simpsons

31. Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The 'x' makes it sound sexy.
~ Bender - Futurama

fry futurama

30. If you don't teach your children that Paris Hilton should be despised, how will they know?
~ Mr. Slave - South Park

mr slave

29. I'm going to grow up without anyone to love and die friendless and alone like Weird Al Yancovich.
~ Bobby Hill - King of the Hill (led to persistent rumors that Weird Al Yancovich was dead)

bobby hill

28. Mr Burns: What's this strange sensation in my chest?
Smithers: I think your heart's beating again.
~ The Simpsons

mr burns

27. Look over there, it's a newly married interracial gay couple burning the American flag.
~ Brian (distracting an angry mob in the southern US) - Family Guy

26. I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie.
~ Peter as Han Solo - Family Guy

han solo

25. You're not going crazy Arthur, you're going sane in crazy world!
~ The Tick - The Tick

the tick

24. You know, pal, if I had a face like yours, I'd try and make up for it with some sort of personality.
~ Raphael - Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles

23. Dude, that is not cool! Chopping off wee-wee's is not cool!
~ Cartman - South Park

south park

22. This is my swing set. This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. That's where I saw the leprechaun!
~ Ralph - The Simpsons

ralph the simpsons

21. Stan Smith: I'm a Republican, Roger. Fixing elections is my bread and butter. You know how many votes George Bush got in the first election? Seven.
~ American Dad

20. No, no! Don't become an angry mob! Last time we did that we killed Jesus!
~ Kyle (he is Jewish) - South Park

19. He's a football player, and football players know how to treat a woman right.
~ Hank - King of the Hill

hank hill

18. Oh boy... Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!
~ Ralph - The Simpsons

ralph the simpsons

17. If Chewbacca lives on Endor, then you must acquit!
~ Johnny Cochrane - South Park

16. Brought to you by Thompson’s Teeth, the only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.
~ Advertisement - Futurama

15. I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.
~ Stewie - Family Guy

14. Okay, okay, I have an idea. I'll be Charlie and you could all be my angels. (Turns to look at an ugly woman) Except for you, you be Bosley.
~ Peter - Family Guy

13. You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
~ Eric Cartman - South Park

12. A guy at work bought a car out of the paper. Ten years later, Bam! Herpes.
~ Peter - Family Guy

family guy

11. Sticks and stones may break my bones but I’m Jesus.
~ Eric Cartman - South Park

south park

10. Chief Running Water: Your mother is what we Indians call, 'Bear With Wide Canyon.'
Cartman: What do you mean?
Chief Running Water : She is 'Doe Who Cannot Keep Legs Together.'
Cartman: Huh?
Chief Running Water: Your mom's a slut.
~ South Park

9. If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert.
~ Peter (talking to his wife) - Family Guy

louis family guy

8. Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible.
Peter: Umm ... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.
~ Peter - Family Guy

7. Let's clear the air. We all know that pigeon was a whore. Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon.
~ Mr. Garrison - The Simpsons

mr garrison

6. Peter Griffin (as a child): Why did the dinosaurs die?
Museum tour guide: Because you touch yourself at night
~ Family Guy

5. Hey Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no tv? So he failed a class, it's not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that one time when I was 19.
~ Peter - Family Guy

4. Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
~ Family Guy

peter griffin

3. Making breasts larger is a beautiful and wonderful thing.
Making them smaller is…insane.
~ Doctor - South Park

2. Attention shoppers! Outside today, we have a cripple fight. Cripple fight, outside!
~ Eric Cartman - South Park

south park

1. I'm beginning to think that maybe it's wrong to put someone who thinks they're a Vietnamese prostitute on a bull.
~ Stan - South Park

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